Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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