I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
