Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
