I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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