This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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