too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
