I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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