took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
