so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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