yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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