yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
