what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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