I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
