I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
