Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
