Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize