i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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