She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
