he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
