How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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