sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
