16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
