I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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