and she was petting her beer can
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
