Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
