yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
