I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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