Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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