My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
