We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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