why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
