Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
