I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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