ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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