It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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