Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
