i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
