i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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