you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So many bounce houses so little time
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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