life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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