i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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