I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
