Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
