Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
