I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
