I heard we made out
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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