Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
