I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
