I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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