I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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