a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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