And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
