my phone needs a breathalizer
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
