listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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