ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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