I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
