He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
