Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
