listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
