why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh god it's open bar.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
