She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we made out on top of his cat.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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