Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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