dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
