I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
