dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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