He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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