Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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