i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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