That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
