So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
