Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
