Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
