My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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